It's Done

Those of you who know me know that I have major test anxiety. When Jim and I first started talking about moving we heard that Oregon accepted the CSET which was the testing I had to do in order to get my teaching license in CA. It was perfect because I wouldn't have to take more tests. Then we got here and I started working and realized that in fact OR did not accept the CSET, but that I had to take 4 more tests here in OR in order to get my teaching license. The anxiety set in big time!!!
I put off the tests until I got pregnant and then figured I better get it done before the baby came so I didn't have that worry in the back of my mind. First I took the ORELA which is a multiple subject test (something I didn't have to take in CA since I taught high school). After a few months I took the PRAXIS (the harder of the tests and more similar to the CSET).
I never feel great after taking a test. No matter how confident I am I just can't convince myself I did well. In addition there was some serious life anxiety happening the day I took the PRAXIS and I wasn't as focused as I would to like to have been so I really didn't feel great about it (or life at that point).
BUT....
Today I got news that I passed the PRAXIS. I passed the ORELA a few months ago. It is all finished now!!! I can officially get my OR teaching license and be finished with all the horrible tests. (and all the icky life stuff is a lot better too :-)

Excuses

I feel like I use busyness as an excuse all the time. I am too busy to make plans with people. I am too busy to take time for myself. I am too busy to write in my journal. I am too busy to read a book. I am too busy to make dinner. In the end it's just an excuse and I need to stop giving it because it really is not legitimate. I haven't done the things I love in way too long (reading, writing, being alone) and it's time for me to make time rather than make excuses.

Parenting

We've had a few rough nights lately as Amalea transitions to a toddler bed. Initially she did great, but about a week in she started getting up and not wanting to go to sleep. Today this is what I thought...I don't know how single parents do it. Or...I don't know how parents do it when all the responsibility of child rearing falls on one partner.
I would be a mess without Jim. I have learned so much from Jim about patience and loving guidance and truly feel pretty often that he is a "better" parent than I am. I know I have so much to learn about parenting and raising a toddler, but I am so thankful I have someone to learn with. I have someone who wants to help and wants to be involved and wants to give me rest when I need it. I would be so lost without Jim and I am so thankful that though the last few nights have been rough we've been able to do it together...as a team.

Results

I finally got the results from the glucose test and they were normal. I do not have gestational diabetes, but I do need to take better care of myself. Like Jim said the whole experience was a good kick in the ass which I needed. I need to be better about eating healthier and exercising more. I am just thankful there is not an extra thing to worry about going wrong.

Diabetes?

This week I took a glucose blood test as part of my pregnancy and unfortunately my numbers came back really high which means I am high risk for having gestational diabetes. In order to determine whether or not I have gestational diabetes I have to take a follow up blood test. This test takes 3 hours and I have to have my blood drawn 3 different times. In addition, I have to fast for 10 hours prior to the test as well as during it.
I am not looking forward to this test for a number of reasons. Ultimately I am not excited because the outcome scares me. I know gestational diabetes can be treated, but of course I hope I don't have it. It's another thing to put on my plate and I already feel overwhelmed by a lot of other things at the moment. I also am not looking forward to the fasting part or the part where I actually have to get my blood drawn so many times - I don't do well getting blood taken.
I am guessing we won't know results until Monday. Thank you for your prayers.

My family

In just a few short months we will have our second child and to be honest I cannot even imagine how life will be. I am so excited and yet there is a bit of me that is anxious. It's walking into the unknown - I don't know how it will be. Then I remember that at one point I didn't know how life would be with one kid and as soon as Amalea was born it all fell into place. I don't think we can ever be completely prepared for major life changes because there is no formula that explains the change...instead we must experience the change as it happens and learn as we go. I love my family of 3, but am so incredibly excited for our soon to be family of 4.

(there are more pictures of Amalea from our beach day on her blog at http://www.amaleakrill.com/?p=255)

Music

I don't know much about music - ok, I don't know anything about music - except that I like it. I watch Jim play and I am in awe of his talent and gifting. What I do know is that music is a great relaxer for me. Music can literally change my mood.
Lately life has been a bit hectic and with all the unknowns for the future I have truly been depending on music to help keep me calm and level. I find myself listening to worship songs more than anything, and specifically listening to Jim or our friend Devin. The words remind me to keep perspective in life and I need that. I tend to be someone who gets a little excited about things that haven't even happened or I get worried about something that might happen - I need people to remind me to stay calm and allow time to reveal what it will. I feel like both Jim and Devin write music in which I am reminded of these things and I am thankful for them and the music they create.