Wednesday, March 24, 2010

My favorites

There are three things I could talk about no particular order they are:
1. Weddings

2. Parenting

3. Education

1. Weddings - ever since I got married I have loved weddings. This is why I started my own business as a wedding coordinator - I could talk about weddings for hours. Dresses, cakes, flowers, lighting, decor, music, attire...every detail about weddings is so exciting to me. I probably love all the details because I am such an organized person - I mean freakishly organized. Being a part of someone's wedding is the greatest feeling. Everyone is so excited and it is such a joyful day, but beyond the joy I really do love putting it all together. I love setting up the reception and seeing the bride after she walks in and knowing by the look on her face that she loves it. I love watching the happy couple enjoy their day and not stress. I could go on and on, but really everything about weddings makes me smile.

2. Parenting - I never knew how much goes into parenting before I had kids. I could talk about toddlers and tantrums, potty training, nursing, bottles, diapers, hugs, kisses, the silly things kids say...the list goes on and on. I enjoy sitting down with other moms and learning from them and sharing my own experiences and the give and take that is parenting. It's not that I was naive enough to believe parenting would be easy, but I had no idea how complex and multi-faceted it would be. What I love the most is that not only do I have two beautiful girls to parent, but a husband who is an amazing father to our girls and who I learn so much from.

3. Education - Even though teaching is an incredibly stressful profession it is one that I love. Even though there is so much political bull that goes along with teaching I love it. I cannot even explain the joy I get in seeing students grasp a concept for the first time. I love teaching writing and reading and sharing my love of literature with students. I also just really love working with teenagers. It is such an awkward and confusing time of life, but there is something about teenagers that draws me in. I think teenagers have so much to offer this world and I learn incredible things from them. Just today a student I taught in an online class called me a hero - I have never even met this kid...I am so touched.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My love

I love this man more and more each day.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Memory Flood

Today we took Amalea to see a specialist for her eye and he confirmed what I most feared...she has pretty much no vision in her left and eye and there is nothing that can be done to correct it. Glasses or a contact will not help at this point because it is a problem with her nerve connecting - it doesn't connect. She sees light and dark, but that is about it.
My beautiful, spunky, joyful little girl cannot see out of one eye. This breaks my heart. Amalea is a strong kid and I know all that she has been through in her two short years has made her even stronger.
The doctor does want her to wear glasses for protection. If something were to happen to her right eye (the "good" one) she could lose all vision. So, now we take on the task of getting her to wear glasses all the time - for the rest of her life. Contacts will never be an option, laser surgery will never be an option. Her glasses are to protect her eye, not to treat a vision problem.

As I sat at the doctors today I had so many memories playing through my mind of the over two years of dealing with this.
I remember taking her in for her two week appointment and the doctor noticing the problem.
I remember being told we needed to do a brain scan because it was possible she had a brain tumor.
I remember countless times of holding my screaming baby down with force so she could be examined.
I remember not being able to feed her as she cried out in hunger before her surgery at just 6 weeks of age, having to deny her the very thing she needed most.
I remember seeing her after surgery, all bandaged and swollen and yellow.
I remember fighting with her to wear a patch until she would give up and fall asleep.
I remember getting her glasses not too long ago because we thought they might help her see better.

This journey has already been long, but it is far from over. Amalea will wear glasses and she has a lazy eye. It is a cruel world out there - I work with kids, I know how mean they can be - and I will send my baby girl out into it looking "different" from everyone else. As a mom, this is an incredibly scary feeling.