Answer to prayer

When Jim and I were first married I had a hard time adjusting to life in a new town where I didn't really know anyone or have any friends. Yes, I live with my best friend, but I always knew that I needed a girlfriend because it's so important to me to have another female to talk with and spend time with. From the time we moved here I prayed for a friend - not just someone that I could hang out with, but someone I really connected with, someone I could be honest with, someone who I could be my weird self with, someone I could screw up around and know that they didn't judge me or think differently of me, someone like the friends I had in college. That is what made it even harder for me - my college friends are some of the most incredible girls I have ever met and now they were not just around the corner available on the spur of the moment to hang out.
Luckily I found a friend. Ha, that sounds so funny, but it's the best way to say it. Over the summer two of our friends got married and moved to Thousand Oaks. I have bonded with this new friend and she is just around the corner and ready to hang out anytime. I am more honest with her than I usually am with new friends (or any friend for that matter) - I don't feel like I have to be all together - I can just be me and we have amazing talks. We talk about marriage and everything that goes with that, family drama, theology and our faith struggles. We have cried together and laughed a lot together. I am so thankful for this new friend - she is a breath of fresh air for me and an answer to what I have prayed God would bring for the last 3 years.

So happy

As 2007 comes to a close I find myself in amazement at all this year has brought. Of course the most obvious new gift is Amalea. She is such a joy. Being born October 1st means that as we all celebrate the arrival of 2008 our family will also be celebrating the 3 month birthday of Amalea. It has been an incredible 3 months - very hard at times, but always worth it. Being a mother truly is a rewarding experience and I wouldn't change one moment in the last 3 months for anything.
Jim and I were talking the other night about the best moment in 2007 and we both agreed it was when we first looked at the pregnancy test and saw that we were in fact going to be parents. I will never forgot the feeling of joy that rushed over me. I was shocked, but so ecstatic at the same time. The following 9 months were an adventure and at the end of it all we were given the most beautiful daughter.
This year I have gotten to see Jim become a father - a truly magnificent sight. He is the best daddy to Amalea and I am constantly thanking God for bringing me such a wonderful man to have a family with.
2007 definitely was a year consumed with Amalea. We found out early in January that we were pregnant and thus our year began. I can't wait to see what 2008 will bring...

3 years

Next Tuesday Jim and I will celebrate three years of marriage. Wow. I look back on the 3 years and have so many amazing memories. In that time of being married I have watched my husband finish college and start a career, I myself finished my masters degree and also began a career, we bought our first home, and we welcomed our first child in to this world. Of course these are only the big things - they are so many precious daily memories as well. The last 3 years have been filled with just about every emotion - from joy and excitement to fear and sorrow - and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Life is not always "pretty", but life is always fun and I am so thankful I have Jim to share my life with. He is an incredibly patient and loving father, a caring and thoughtful husband, a dedicated and forgiving youth worker, and a man that I thank God for every day.

Nothing for Christmas

"What do you want for Christmas?" The question has started being asked to me and my response so far has been that I can't think of anything. I'm not trying to be humble, I'm not trying to act like I am better than anyone else, I'm not trying to make a statement - I just honestly don't know what else I could possibly want. When I look at my life right now I don't see anything missing that I need to obtain or be given this Christmas. I have an amazing husband who sacrifices and gives me more than I could ever have dreamed, I have a beautiful baby girl who is healthy and growing strong, I have a family that loves me and is so excited for the stage of life I am currently in, I have friends who support me and are there for me. How could I ask for anything else? No game or gadget, no clothes or shoes, no fancy car or kitchen appliance could possibly make me happier than I am when I look honestly at all I have.
Yes, I have moments when I don't feel great about myself or when I feel exhausted and emotional - but I don't have moments when I feel like I need something else. I have been given so much and I pray that I don't forget what is most important this Christmas season and if I receive nothing then I won't be disappointed because I already have everything.

Fear and Peace

I felt a lot of fear today as the doctors wheeled my 6 week old daughter away to have surgery. And yet I felt a lot of peace at the same time. I thought I would be a lot more afraid, but honestly I felt so much peace. It amazes me that God can bring peace in a time when I feel so much fear - I was afraid for the anesthetics, I was afraid the surgeon would find something he didn't expect, I was afraid the surgery wouldn't work, I was afraid because my daughter was gone for nearly 2 hours and I had no control over what was happening to her. Then I started to think about the future - she is going to grow up and become independent and I am going to have many times where I am fearful and yet I know I will continue to pray for peace because God gives it. My future will be different now that I have a child in it, but one thing that will not change is my continuous cries to God for protection and ultimately peace as I trust him to take away my fears.

Mess

One of the biggest things I have learned in the last 6 weeks is to lighten up. I am a pretty neat and organized person and I like my house to be like that also - I like it when things are put away and there is no mess and no clutter. However, Amalea has taught me that there are so many things more important than cleaning and organizing. Yes, I do still try each evening to organize the mess, but I have been so much better about letting things go and just enjoying the moments with my family. I could still do better, but at least I am making progress towards not being so uptight :-)

Leaving

On Monday I had a dentist appointment - my first time away from Amalea. Everything in my wanted to call and cancel the appointment, but I knew I needed to keep it. So, I did and for one hour I was away from my baby.
I felt anxious the entire time. I was wondering how she was doing - was she crying, was she sleeping, was she happy - it was hard.

I guess that is one of the things that changes in my life now that I am a parent - worry begins to creep in and anxiety is increased. I am learning the new curves of life with a child and the new emotions that it all brings. It's hard, but I love it so much. She is absolutely worth all the anxiety, all the pain, all the worry - she is beautiful, strong, healthy (besides the eye thing), loud, animated, cuddly, warm, and so lovable.