Tuesday, September 29, 2009


I have been thinking a lot about joy lately. After a tough year of transitions and change Jim and I started to see a counselor last week. I started to do a lot of personal reflection in preparation for our meeting with the counselor. It's hard to say, but what I have come to realize is that for awhile now I have not been a very joyful person. I have SO MUCH in my life to be joyful about, but I get into these funks where I cannot smile and enjoy my life. I realize I need help working through my "funk" periods so that my family and I can be more full of joy.

I want to be a person of joy. I want to bring laughter and fun back into the areas of my life in which I have let is slip away.

I don't know why I focus on the bad things rather than the good. I don't know why I can't let things go more easily and why when I am frustrated or upset it takes so much for me to move beyond it.

I don't even know why I am blogging this and am willing to share it with the world (or whoever reads this), but for me I think this is part of the process of finding joy again. For the most part I don't want anyone to know I am not perfect or that I don't have it all together so I put on a happy face for the world, but true joy is what I long to find - not a cover or a front. Maybe I hope admitting my lack of joy will help me find joy.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


One of the reasons Jim and I moved to Portland is that we were seeking community...people our age in our stage of life that we could experience the joys and challenges of life together. Picking up and leaving everything we knew was not easy and it took us awhile to adjust to all the life changes (not just a new place, but new jobs and even leaving a career for Jim), but alas we settled into an amazing community.
What I love the most is that there are many layers to this community. There are the people we really connect with that we have gotten to have more intimate friendships with. There are people we see weekly, people from our jobs that we have connected with, and even total strangers that are a part of our lives.
Just today I went out for about 3 hours and walked with the girls around our neighborhood.
What I love about community is that people look out for each other. At the library Maya got a little fussy and Ben (who we just ran into at the library) took Ami and read her a book while I calmed Maya down and Mallory (Ben's wife) stayed with me so I didn't feel so embarrassed with a crying baby). Then at the park Amalea was playing with this little girl so I started talking to her mom and dad who were there (and probably the same age as me). Maya got cranky because she was hungry and the couple offered to keep an eye on Ami so I could go sit and nurse Maya (don't worry I could still see her).
It is moments like these when I realize the power of community...when a mother of two can go out and about for a decent amount of time and not feel alone and can get help when it is needed. I am so happy we have found this place, that we live here, that this is our life, our support system, our friends, our community.