I have been thinking a lot about joy lately. After a tough year of transitions and change Jim and I started to see a counselor last week. I started to do a lot of personal reflection in preparation for our meeting with the counselor. It's hard to say, but what I have come to realize is that for awhile now I have not been a very joyful person. I have SO MUCH in my life to be joyful about, but I get into these funks where I cannot smile and enjoy my life. I realize I need help working through my "funk" periods so that my family and I can be more full of joy.
I want to be a person of joy. I want to bring laughter and fun back into the areas of my life in which I have let is slip away.
I don't know why I focus on the bad things rather than the good. I don't know why I can't let things go more easily and why when I am frustrated or upset it takes so much for me to move beyond it.
I don't even know why I am blogging this and am willing to share it with the world (or whoever reads this), but for me I think this is part of the process of finding joy again. For the most part I don't want anyone to know I am not perfect or that I don't have it all together so I put on a happy face for the world, but true joy is what I long to find - not a cover or a front. Maybe I hope admitting my lack of joy will help me find joy.