Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Joy

I have been thinking a lot about joy lately. After a tough year of transitions and change Jim and I started to see a counselor last week. I started to do a lot of personal reflection in preparation for our meeting with the counselor. It's hard to say, but what I have come to realize is that for awhile now I have not been a very joyful person. I have SO MUCH in my life to be joyful about, but I get into these funks where I cannot smile and enjoy my life. I realize I need help working through my "funk" periods so that my family and I can be more full of joy.

I want to be a person of joy. I want to bring laughter and fun back into the areas of my life in which I have let is slip away.

I don't know why I focus on the bad things rather than the good. I don't know why I can't let things go more easily and why when I am frustrated or upset it takes so much for me to move beyond it.

I don't even know why I am blogging this and am willing to share it with the world (or whoever reads this), but for me I think this is part of the process of finding joy again. For the most part I don't want anyone to know I am not perfect or that I don't have it all together so I put on a happy face for the world, but true joy is what I long to find - not a cover or a front. Maybe I hope admitting my lack of joy will help me find joy.

2 comments:

Napkin's Family said...

I appreciate your honesty.

Randee said...

i dont' know you and i realize this post is old. i found your blog through your note to emily on fb linked thru nathan lawrenson's page (who i have been following for over 2 years)....this entry resonated with me in ways i can't explain, but i thank you for your openness...and if you have found your joy i am so glad for you and if you are willing to share more, i would love to have a conversation (via email) about this...i struggle with major depression among many ohter things and have much difficulty finding joy despite what looked like (prior to my divorce which was NOT as it looked) a perfect life and what looks like i have so much to be thankful for. either way, i wishyou peace and much joy.