So happy

As 2007 comes to a close I find myself in amazement at all this year has brought. Of course the most obvious new gift is Amalea. She is such a joy. Being born October 1st means that as we all celebrate the arrival of 2008 our family will also be celebrating the 3 month birthday of Amalea. It has been an incredible 3 months - very hard at times, but always worth it. Being a mother truly is a rewarding experience and I wouldn't change one moment in the last 3 months for anything.
Jim and I were talking the other night about the best moment in 2007 and we both agreed it was when we first looked at the pregnancy test and saw that we were in fact going to be parents. I will never forgot the feeling of joy that rushed over me. I was shocked, but so ecstatic at the same time. The following 9 months were an adventure and at the end of it all we were given the most beautiful daughter.
This year I have gotten to see Jim become a father - a truly magnificent sight. He is the best daddy to Amalea and I am constantly thanking God for bringing me such a wonderful man to have a family with.
2007 definitely was a year consumed with Amalea. We found out early in January that we were pregnant and thus our year began. I can't wait to see what 2008 will bring...

3 years

Next Tuesday Jim and I will celebrate three years of marriage. Wow. I look back on the 3 years and have so many amazing memories. In that time of being married I have watched my husband finish college and start a career, I myself finished my masters degree and also began a career, we bought our first home, and we welcomed our first child in to this world. Of course these are only the big things - they are so many precious daily memories as well. The last 3 years have been filled with just about every emotion - from joy and excitement to fear and sorrow - and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Life is not always "pretty", but life is always fun and I am so thankful I have Jim to share my life with. He is an incredibly patient and loving father, a caring and thoughtful husband, a dedicated and forgiving youth worker, and a man that I thank God for every day.

Nothing for Christmas

"What do you want for Christmas?" The question has started being asked to me and my response so far has been that I can't think of anything. I'm not trying to be humble, I'm not trying to act like I am better than anyone else, I'm not trying to make a statement - I just honestly don't know what else I could possibly want. When I look at my life right now I don't see anything missing that I need to obtain or be given this Christmas. I have an amazing husband who sacrifices and gives me more than I could ever have dreamed, I have a beautiful baby girl who is healthy and growing strong, I have a family that loves me and is so excited for the stage of life I am currently in, I have friends who support me and are there for me. How could I ask for anything else? No game or gadget, no clothes or shoes, no fancy car or kitchen appliance could possibly make me happier than I am when I look honestly at all I have.
Yes, I have moments when I don't feel great about myself or when I feel exhausted and emotional - but I don't have moments when I feel like I need something else. I have been given so much and I pray that I don't forget what is most important this Christmas season and if I receive nothing then I won't be disappointed because I already have everything.

Fear and Peace

I felt a lot of fear today as the doctors wheeled my 6 week old daughter away to have surgery. And yet I felt a lot of peace at the same time. I thought I would be a lot more afraid, but honestly I felt so much peace. It amazes me that God can bring peace in a time when I feel so much fear - I was afraid for the anesthetics, I was afraid the surgeon would find something he didn't expect, I was afraid the surgery wouldn't work, I was afraid because my daughter was gone for nearly 2 hours and I had no control over what was happening to her. Then I started to think about the future - she is going to grow up and become independent and I am going to have many times where I am fearful and yet I know I will continue to pray for peace because God gives it. My future will be different now that I have a child in it, but one thing that will not change is my continuous cries to God for protection and ultimately peace as I trust him to take away my fears.

Mess

One of the biggest things I have learned in the last 6 weeks is to lighten up. I am a pretty neat and organized person and I like my house to be like that also - I like it when things are put away and there is no mess and no clutter. However, Amalea has taught me that there are so many things more important than cleaning and organizing. Yes, I do still try each evening to organize the mess, but I have been so much better about letting things go and just enjoying the moments with my family. I could still do better, but at least I am making progress towards not being so uptight :-)

Leaving

On Monday I had a dentist appointment - my first time away from Amalea. Everything in my wanted to call and cancel the appointment, but I knew I needed to keep it. So, I did and for one hour I was away from my baby.
I felt anxious the entire time. I was wondering how she was doing - was she crying, was she sleeping, was she happy - it was hard.

I guess that is one of the things that changes in my life now that I am a parent - worry begins to creep in and anxiety is increased. I am learning the new curves of life with a child and the new emotions that it all brings. It's hard, but I love it so much. She is absolutely worth all the anxiety, all the pain, all the worry - she is beautiful, strong, healthy (besides the eye thing), loud, animated, cuddly, warm, and so lovable.

Work

As most of you know I am not working right now - I took off two weeks before Amalea was born and am going to be taking off 9 weeks after (I get 6 weeks paid with my disability insurance, but I am taking more without pay). I will go back to work December 3 for three weeks and then it is Christmas break so I will have two weeks off.
I am enjoying the break from work and honestly haven't really been thinking or worrying about it much at all - that is until recently. I got an email yesterday from a student, another letter handwritten from a student, and a phone call from the counselor at work. It seems that my classes are really struggling with my substitute. They are having such a hard time that there are now parents involved. It's a long story to explain what is going on, but basically things I left to be taught aren't being taught and students are having a hard time getting along with my sub.
Now, this doesn't make me want to go back to work any sooner, however, it has reminded me that I have 80 kids waiting for me when I return. For now I am praying for each kid and hoping that things aren't too screwed up when I return. It should be a fun three weeks in December :-)

Jeans

I tried on my jeans today - my pre-pregnancy jeans that is. Ha. I was actually a bit impressed. I could get them on and buttoned and everything, but they sure were snug :-) I just wanted to see if I could do it yet - wishful thinking I guess.
It's a good thing I have such an active child - I should loose the baby weight pretty quickly if she keeps being this active as she grows.
I love it.

Love

I am so in love with my daughter. I know I am supposed to say that, but it really is true. People have always told me that once you have a child your definition of love is extended and I believe that. When she cries it doesn't bother me (I know it probably will in the future - it's still early) or when she poops on me (and she has) I just laugh and give her kisses. Jim and I are so incredibly lucky.

Whale

So people keep asking me how I feel - honestly...I feel like a whale. Hardly any clothes fit anymore, it's hard to get comfortable, and I am getting impatient :-) Not the annoyed impatient, the anxious impatient. Despite all that I really do feel great though - I can't complain. I have been out and about doing stuff every day. It could be so much worse. I can get over feeling awkward and uncomfortable because at least I am not stuck in bed. Jim and I have been having good conversations, I've been able to see friends and take care of some fun things (I made Jim a Halloween costume) as well as being able to rest. Now if only I didn't have to wear the same shirt every day since its the only one that fit...

Pray

I just received a link to another blog from a good friend of mine and I feel the need to share it with anyone and everyone who visits this site. The summer after my freshman year of college I worked at a camp in the Santa Cruz mountains. One of the couples (Dana and Dominic Orlando) I got to know and work with recently had their second child - Jim also worked very closely with Dominic during the summer he was at this camp. They also just discovered that their first child, Natalie, 2 years old, has leukemia. Her life story is one full of ups and downs, including having Down Syndrome, and now she is facing a very scary illness. I ask you to please pray for this family and for Natalie. Check out her blog and read as her story and life unfolds. I write this with tears flowing as I cannot imagine these trials, and yet I know this is a family that is faithful to God and trusts in His perfect plan. May you lift up this family and pray for God's healing to come quickly.

natalieorlando.blogspot.com

Time for a change

I feel like so much in my life is changing at this time so I figured why not change my blog site as well. Amalea's due date is getting closer and closer so the waiting period has really arrived. Every time I feel anything out of the ordinary I wonder if it means anything - but not yet. I am off of work now so I am taking care of some last minute things to get ready and also trying to relax and sleep before the sleepless nights start. Amalea has been moving so much lately and its been really neat because when I feel her I am able to definitely feel bones and specific body parts - she is not just a blob of a human being anymore - she has developed and is continuing to grow. Besides being more than ready for her to come out and feeling like I am ready to be done being pregnant (I'm just being honest) I am so incredibly excited to be a mom. Jim and I talk about how we just can't wait...we know it is going to be hard and challenging...but we can' wait even for the challenges. We know God's timing is perfect and the time has come.