Wednesday, January 27, 2010

a little understanding please

I've been thinking a lot about a situation in my life that happened 2 years ago...for some reason I just can't stop thinking about it lately. Probably because the whole thing just breaks my heart. Some of you know about this situation and may be surprised that this still bothers me so much - I don't know why it does - but it does. I apologize if this post is a big vague, but I don't need to name names or point fingers or bring anyone else into this....it's not about that...it is about the fact that this is on my heart and I need to talk about it. That is what this blog is intended to be - a place for me to share my heart. The good and the ugly.
Two years ago around this time a friendship of mine ended. This is the only time in my life something like this has happened. Sure there are people you don't really connect with and don't really become good friends with, but this was someone who I was getting to be friends with and then because of a few things the friendship ended. The bigger problem is that when the friendship ended between me and this person it also ended a friendship between my husband and an already established good friend. This is what still hurts two years later.
The thing that still bothers me is that this situation didn't have to end up like it did, but because of a lack of understanding or care to try and understand it did. I will not defend myself to the death - I made mistakes in this situation, I said things that were out of line and I admitted all of that to this person and asked for forgiveness. I don't know that forgiveness was ever granted to me because the friendship never continued.
Why do I ask for understanding? At the time that this happened I had a 3 month old. My first child. I was so overwhelmed by being a new parent. I didn't know what the hell I was doing and how to comfort my baby that cried a lot and how to deal with the lack of sleep I was getting. Yes, this may sound like it is an excuse and the truth is that it is - but I think it's a damn good excuse. I was experiencing a lot of changes in my life and wasn't as gentle or gracious as I should have been, but for crying out loud my whole life had just changed and I was confused and needed some help and grace. I was not given grace, I was not treated gently, I was not given forgiveness and that really bothers me 2 years later.
For those of you with new babies you know how hard the beginning can be as you transition into this huge change in your life. For those of you without new babies you may have no idea what this is like (though you may have seen someone close to you go through this change, I don't personally believe you can ever fully understand it until you yourself go through it - but maybe I am wrong), but please I beg all of you without babies try, try, try to give a little extra grace to the new moms around you. Even though new moms are in a state of bliss holding their tiny little baby it is still hard and some things around them don't make as much sense as they did before and they are probably tired and maybe even in physical pain or emotional pain. Try to understand and be gentle. That is my plea - friendships don't have to be lost and I shouldn't have to cry about this 2 years later.

2 comments:

Jamie Lapeyrolerie said...

I'm sad you are still hurting, but thanks for sharing what's on your heart. Lots of love!!!

Napkin's Family said...

I will apologize on behalf of your lost friend, because I too have been the person who had no children and yet had a big opinion about parenting, and not enough grace. Life has help to humble me some, but the damage I caused has broken at least two friendships. (who would probably forgive me gladly if I could express the need for it). So, I am sorry to you. I hope your friend will, in time, reflect on her own mistakes and extend forgiveness and desire your forgiveness as well.