Naive

I have come to realize that I am too emotional about my students. When they get in trouble I feel so bad for them, even if they deserve it. I hate it when bad things happen to them and I get so upset. I have 4 students suspended right now - one for fighting, one for ditching, one for stealing, and I'm not sure about the other one - but as I find out about each one I get sad. In my head they are perfect little teenagers and even though they can seriously drive me insane at times I don't want to believe they could do anything that wrong. Does this make a good teacher or a bad teacher? Hmmmm....

Convergence 2

I don't think I can really explain all that I processed this weekend at Convergence. To some degree I feel like this was the first time I have really processed through some of the aspects of our move to Portland from California. It was refreshing, inspiring, motivating, relaxing, and tiring. It was exactly what I needed.
So often ladies retreats are about being taught what a Christian women is, what a Christian female leader should be, or a Christian wife or mother or whatever context you may be discussing. This weekend was simply about being where we are NOW and being encouraged and inspired in that. It wasn't about feeling like we are falling short in some area or about being given a model of what we should be. This weekend was a chance to be real and raw and transparent with a group that was welcoming, accepting, and loving. We shared our stories - the good, the bad, and sometimes the very ugly. We cried, we laughed, we created, and we connected.
There was no keynote speakers or experts - it was 95 women learning from each other and all were equal and had something to bring to the discussion. It was so nice for me to see that a "womens retreat" could be done differently - that church can be done differently.

Convergence 1

I am spending this weekend at a retreat/conference type thing for women. This is the kind of thing I usually resist being a part of as it means putting myself out there for others - I love to listen and be a part of things in that regard, but sharing myself is another story. Yet, I was pushed to attend this weekend. Part of the reason I wanted to go is that a couple other ladies from my community were going and I wanted to spend more time with them. In the end the others that I knew did not end up coming and I was left attending with 4 people I don't know and just met. A part of me really wanted to back out - it was too much putting myself out there and I'm just not that bold. Luckily, I have an incredible husband who encouraged me to still come and I am here. If nothing else, that alone is a big step for me. I have been able to hear the stories of other ladies and be encouraged by their lives.
This morning we sang a song that I really enjoyed the lyrics to and wanted to share them on here for anyone who reads this to think about:

This broken heart of mine has been mended a thousand times
This broken heart of mine has been mended a trillion times
Something like hope is coming
Something like peace is coming
Something like joy is coming

Can I let it? Can I let it? Can I let it?

I am clean
I am new
I am changing
I am changing

Can I let it? Can I let it? Can I let it?

Say Cheese

These two people make me smile more than anyone else.

They Know...

I've been waiting to tell my students that I am pregnant - not because I didn't want them to know, but I was hoping that they would ask. I was curious to see who would be the brave student who would venture to ask why I was getting fat.
Wednesday last week during my first period class I overheard two students who sit in the front talking. This is their conversation:
Student 1: "Ask her"
Student 2: "No way, that is so awkward."
S1: "It's Mrs. Krill - it isn't awkward." (not sure what that really means) "Just ask"
S2: "No"
S1: "Can I ask for you?"
S2: "No, it's embarrassing."
Finally, I interrupted and tried to speed along the process. I told student 2 to ask me whatever it was she wanted to ask (of course knowing what it was she wanted to ask). She got all red and tried to blow me off. I proceeded to tell her that I would not be offended, upset, or embarrassed. She just couldn't bring herself to do it so student 1 finally asked (side note - student 1 is a student whom I am fairly close to and feels she has the right to tell me anything and everything about her life or what she thinks about others or me).
My answer: "Yes, I am."

The class then proceeded to erupt as news quickly spread through the room. No joke, my students were running around the class freaking out. One boy even asked if he could go tell the other classes (we teach on teams so for the most part we knew the whereabouts of the other students I teach).
As each class came in that day they were all asking me if it was true. During my second as I was getting them started on their journal entry one boy raised his hand and asked, "Can we talk about the baby first." It was so cute to see how excited they were. Junior highers seriously make me happy.
Thursday and Friday last week were parent conferences and probably 95% of the parents who came in told me that their kid had come home and told them my good news. I was shocked that they were even talking about it outside of school.
If I ever doubted it before this just reminded me that I am so incredibly blessed to be teaching a great group of kids - I mean really they are pretty incredible. For as often as they drive me crazy they make me laugh a whole lot more.