My words

My friend Jamie found this site called wordle.net and what you do is put in text from something and they create a picture using those words. The words that are bigger are the words that you use the most. So, she put in text from my blog and the picture above is what was created. I found it very entertaining to look at - thanks Jamie.

Insane Friday

Today I was incredibly thankful for my time spent in youth ministry - I understand the need to be flexible.
Today we had an odd schedule at school. In the morning we had an assembly to listen to speeches of students running for student council and in the afternoon we had a special activity day planned. The students earned this activity afternoon which should have happened before winter break, but because of the snow it happened today. Our schedule was crazy with 2 classes being an hour long and the other 4 being 20 minutes. I was prepared for a little bit of insanity.
To add to the mix someone pulled the fire alarm after first period. This was not a scheduled drill so we went into serious mode. We waited outside in the cold while the fire department was called. Luckily the fire department responded quickly and we were cleared to go back in after about 25 minutes.
At this point students were so wired up knowing that now there classes would be even shorter than 20 minutes. Kids are dancing down the halls, whistling and yelling. It was quite a sight to see.

Luckily I was able to laugh through it all. A day in the life of a junior high teacher!

One year ago

One year ago on this weekend out of jealousy I said something very offensive to another person and when all was said it done it basically ended up ruining two budding friendships and causing one existing friendship to fall apart. It is something I am not proud of it. Part of the reason this still bothers me one year later is because I was never forgiven for what I said. The existing friendship that fell apart should not have ended that way and in truth it is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever been a part of.
This morning at church for a brief moment our pastor talked about forgiveness and all of this stuff from last year really hit me. I think I have been so bothered by the fact that I was not forgiven by this other person that I did not allow myself to forgive me. And to some degree I think that has held me back in other friendships. I am nervous that I might say the wrong thing or that some seemingly simple thing I do will be taken completely wrong and again friendships will fall. I can't think that way anymore. I must move forward with the confidence that I am forgiven and that yes I make mistakes, but I am not a malicious person - that just isn't me. By not allowing myself to forgive me I have been living thinking I am like that - malicious - and I'm not. I am forgiven and loved and allowed more chances. I can't be so concerned about what could have been (or what I feel strongly should have been) when it's done and when I did all I could to ask for forgiveness. I need to accept that God forgave me and doesn't think I am a terrible person and I need to forgive me too.

Emotional Rollercoaster

I tend to be a pretty emotional person. I cry at every wedding I go, sometimes even at silly television shows, lately every time I hear Obama speak...it really is kind of pathetic, and yet...this is who I am.
You can imagine all the emotions I felt when I initially found out I was pregnant. So much excitement and yet also a sense of fear - the life of a baby inside of me is very fragile business. My emotions have continued to run all around.
Two days after I found out I was pregnant I went to the Emergency Room because I thought I was having a miscarriage. I had somewhat resolved within myself that if indeed a miscarriage is what had happened it was okay - it wasn't the right time. When I saw the baby moving with the little heart beating on the ultrasound I nearly jumped off the bed - everything was ok.
One week after we found out I got devastating news from a very dear friend that she had just had her second miscarriage in a row. I felt so much confusion. How is this fair? To be totally honest there was a part of me that almost wished I would miscarry too so I could be there with her. Of course I didn't wish my child would not make it, but I wished there was something I could do to be more empathetic. The pain I felt for her was so intense that I just cried and asked why. I have this very odd feeling in my celebration these days because I want to be celebrating with my friend instead of mourning. I don't understand why these things happen. I don't know the right words to say and because I live in a different state I cannot be there with her. How do I celebrate when those around me are hurting? It just feels odd.

Meet Baby

Yes, it's true...we are having another baby. The baby is due mid August.
We are very excited and looking forward to the sick phase being done. Amalea knows there is a baby in mommy's belly and gives the baby hugs and kisses all the time (she really has no idea, but is a great listener).

Life

Tonight Amalea had a fever so she was walking around without pants on trying to cool off. Jim and I were sitting on the floor next to each other and his head was on my shoulder. Amalea managed to move her way on into the middle of us and lay down with her us. It was one of those moments when you close your eyes and thank God for your life. Jim said, "Life is Good" and I couldn't agree more.
Many people around me have been dealing with death of family and friends in the past week along with some serious health things: the loss of an unborn child, the loss of a father, a daughter, a friend, another father, brain cancer, trips to the Emergency Room. It is so overwhelming.
In the midst of this I welcome the simple reminder from my daughter that "Life is Good" and am reminded by those around me to cherish each moment. Life happens so fast.

Marriage

Today I spent the morning in the Emergency Room (but I am ok). In the end I was told that I needed to rest and stay off my feet for a few days. To me that request seemed impossible. I go back to work in two days, we have literally about 6 loads of laundry still to do from our vacation, the Christmas decorations need to come down, the drain in our bathtub is clogged because I cut my hair in there, and I have an adorable daughter that needs to be played with. Yeah right, stay off my feet. And yet, I have not got off the couch all day...because...my husband is incredible. He made me soup and then a burrito, refilled my water cup many times, made me take my vitamin (though I complained the whole time), kept Amalea from treating me like a jungle gym, unclogged the drain, and did the laundry. He is now at Trader Joe's with Amalea getting some groceries. Amazing, truly amazing.